Hum, and also like I want to kick the unknown offender in the (non-gender specific) junk. Yay for that response!
I feel like I fall somewhere in the making a safe space, without hurting people's feelings, camp. But with the caveat that "not hurting people's feelings" means some really deep & tough conversations where truth comes to light and what is acceptable behavior is discussed, a consensus is reached, and action happens - and yeah, that might hurt along the way.
So what does that mean to me? It means that the actions of both individuals are discussed (hey, did you know that what you were doing is very much not ok? hey, did you realize what you were getting into when you put yourself into that situation?), as well as the general environment that allowed it to happen (hey, maybe we should have an open door policy during parties?). This is not really about blame. It's about being open and clear, and maybe learning something about ourselves in the process. It is my job to check in & respect the other person/people's boundaries. It is my job to stay sane & safe and not get into a situation I can't get out of. It's my job to be part of a culture who talked about these issues and does not sweep them under the rug.
But those conversation about what went down can't always happen, and may not be healthy to force for a variety of reasons. In the end, I want to spend time with people who I know have my back if I find myself in a situation that I can't handle. Who would not populate a party with a dingus who has been given the equivalent of a social high five for date rate. We all have our own level of what is or is not acceptable to us, and that's ok. But I think (hope) that everyone might agree pushing someone when they say "no", or taking advantage while they are under the influence, would be an unacceptable line to cross.
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Date: 2014-07-12 04:17 pm (UTC)Hum, and also like I want to kick the unknown offender in the (non-gender specific) junk. Yay for that response!
I feel like I fall somewhere in the making a safe space, without hurting people's feelings, camp. But with the caveat that "not hurting people's feelings" means some really deep & tough conversations where truth comes to light and what is acceptable behavior is discussed, a consensus is reached, and action happens - and yeah, that might hurt along the way.
So what does that mean to me? It means that the actions of both individuals are discussed (hey, did you know that what you were doing is very much not ok? hey, did you realize what you were getting into when you put yourself into that situation?), as well as the general environment that allowed it to happen (hey, maybe we should have an open door policy during parties?). This is not really about blame. It's about being open and clear, and maybe learning something about ourselves in the process. It is my job to check in & respect the other person/people's boundaries. It is my job to stay sane & safe and not get into a situation I can't get out of. It's my job to be part of a culture who talked about these issues and does not sweep them under the rug.
But those conversation about what went down can't always happen, and may not be healthy to force for a variety of reasons. In the end, I want to spend time with people who I know have my back if I find myself in a situation that I can't handle. Who would not populate a party with a dingus who has been given the equivalent of a social high five for date rate. We all have our own level of what is or is not acceptable to us, and that's ok. But I think (hope) that everyone might agree pushing someone when they say "no", or taking advantage while they are under the influence, would be an unacceptable line to cross.